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His smooth muscular chest was covered in a lace corset. His tan athletic shoulders were looming over his constricted waist. All of the places that I held him were covered and pinched.

I hadn't realized how much I loved his male body until he twisted into something different. I wasn't worried that he was gay. I was worried that my sex life had changed — I was now having sex with a woman, for all intents and purposes.

It was still him. But it wasn't him. As he began to shave and primp I wanted him to be far away from me.

I didn't want him to love his own feminized body — I wanted him to love mine. I began to dread what I would find under his clothes and between the sheets.

I wanted his hairy legs back. I'd lay still as we had sex. He was so excited by his corset and fishnets that sex was, well, quick.

Lying beside one another, looking up at the same ceiling, he was cooing with pleasure and connection and I found myself squirming away from him.

Afterwards, we'd lay in bed half-dressed — me in a grubby tee-shirt, my husband in a lace bra. He had one hand on his chest and one on mine.

As he touched my body, I realized that he was imagining it was his own. During the light of day I tried to talk myself out of this new mindset.

I gave myself pep talks: "You love him, you want him to be happy, and you already decided that sex was not the defining feature of your relationship.

For instance, I thought, he loved sci-fi movies…I did not. That would never tear us apart. Why would a sexual fetish be more divisive than that?

The alienation I felt embarrassed me; I wanted so badly to love him unconditionally. I wanted to accept his differences.

But what I wanted most was to go back in time to our crummy sex life — before he played dress up. Ironically, he became obsessed with sex.

He had spent a life fantasizing about this — and finally it was real. He would wear lingerie under his clothes and was ready to go at all times.

But with each sex act I withdrew more. That's when I realized that he didn't notice I had a problem that I couldn't fix alone.

One day I told him, "We need to talk about your cross-dressing. I realize as much as it turns you on it turns me off," I admitted. I asked if he could just cross-dress on his own.

To that, he said nothing. What he said next was the end. He wanted what he wanted and I was an accessory to his life — as well as sex life.

I was a less valuable than his corsets. He would find someone else if he had to, he said. In a matter of weeks, I left everything behind — the house, the car and the size gold shoes.

It wasn't until I was decorating my apartment with as many girly things as possible that I let myself realize how upset I had been.

At first I felt unlovable and unattractive. Then I felt angry. The whole six years lost their meaning. I had married him despite being unsatisfied with our sex life, yet he gave me up when he realized how unsatisfied he had been.

After I left, we met just twice more. Once when I returned my engagement ring and once at the courthouse.

In , Allen published Transformations: Crossdressers and Those Who Love Them , a photography book documenting her decade of travels within this community and the people she met along the way.

Dee and Donna, learning line dancing. Chrysis, veteran, with partner's daughter. This isn't exhibitionist photography.

It's pure documentary and extraordinary in its ordinariness. Indeed, the warmth that emanates from Allen's photographs, particularly during the '80s and '90s, illustrates the mutual affection and respect the photographer and subject had for one another.

Michelle and Betty Ann, Provincetown, Massachusetts. Kiwi at a coffee shop, New York City. The s marked the beginning of a new era for gender variant people and Allen was there to document the growing political movement.

Her next book, The Gender Frontier , published in , captured this ripe moment in the history of LGBT rights — the evolution of political activism, the growing number of trans youth, as well as the protests and backlash.

A photography book about that time, called TransCuba , followed in And she continues to seek out marginalized trans communities around the world.

Her next book on the subject, Transcendents: Spirit Mediums in Burma and Thailand , comes out this fall. They confront the issues that most of us keep hidden, but as time passes, their struggles will lead many of us to greater freedom in expressing ourselves," Allen said.

Felicity, then and now. Alison at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. To see more of Mariette Pathy Allen's work or to purchase any of her books, visit her website.

Crossdressers and the photographer who loved them. Captured: A Photo Blog. Lauren Hansen. Mariette Pathy Allen Paula and daughter, Rachel.

Mariette Pathy Allen "Many people I met at that time thought they were the only person in the world that was 'that way,'" Allen said.

Mariette Pathy Allen Chrysis, veteran, with partner's daughter. Mariette Pathy Allen This isn't exhibitionist photography.

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